Sorry for not writing sooner, but like I said in my title for this post, I was going down....hard. Things were not going well with me for some time now and I thought it was because of my ADHD that I was having a burn-out. So I looked for help and contacted PSYQ. I thought I needed help with my ADHD and also had my medication looked at by a psychiatrist. After my intake, the psychologist told me I was battling a depression and asked me if I had felt like this before. Uhm "Yes, actually multiple times". She asked me if I was ever treated for any of those depressions. Uhm, "No". I also learned that I never take problems/situations and feelings that come with it serious, I always tend to make them sound less heavy. This way I was able to cope with everything and if that didn't help I ate the feelings away. So for years now I kept all my true feelings inside, unable to communicate, always thinking I needed to be the strong one and the one who would fix it all by herself. The depressions were a reaction of this behavior, because how long can you go on doing this without breaking? A few more things also came up and part of my recovery plan is to have talks once a week with a psychologist, see a psychiatrist for my medication(which I already did once and my Ritalin is much higher now and is working so much better for me at this point, but he still likes to bump it up a bit more in a few weeks from now) and I am having a personal organiser/coach help me with my business and household so in the end I will not always have the feeling I always have to be busy, maybe even have a day off once a week!
So yeah, things are not going that well, but I can finally see that this is the right way to go for me and my family. I have hope that this will finally get me in balance.
I never cried this much and I never shared so much of my feelings with my friends like I have been doing the past few weeks and it feels actually good. It feels like I am going somewhere. The personal organiser helped me already with my office space and also gave me a kickstart to tackle the rest of the house(I am proud to say Anthony finally has a new room, Jadenn's room is in order and our bedroom as well). The rest will be done by the end of this year I think and it feels so much better already in our house :)
So yeah this is where I am in the rollercoaster of life, but the best thing is that once you have gone down, you need to get up :)