Pffff sitting here, feeling overwhelmed again, nothing will come out of my fingers, things I planned for this 2 week off vacation didn't work out the way I had in my mind. My ADHD-self simply can't function if my normal rythm is changed. I hate feeling like this, makes me wonder if medication might be something I want to try next year.
This past year has been good on the businessfront for me(see weblogpost about that HERE)
on a personal level though I haven't accompliced all the things I had in mind. Still fat, still haven't figured out why I do things that I do and don't do things that I really want to do, what is holding me back to become truly happy.
Cancer took my sweet Aunt away and has another off my aunts going through Chemo as we speak.
Anthony who was hit by a car, the 13 weeks of him being in a cast while it was summer vacation. The feeling I still feel of thinking of myself walking slowly towards the accident, while thinking "shouldn't I be running?" I simply was afraid that he was dead.
I have a feeling that this year has flown by and I hardly took a moment to breath, to enjoy love to the fullest.....I do not like that.
Sure good things happened which made me happy and I always tend to look at those. Maybe I have done that for far to long now and I need to stop analyzine things and start feeling things again.
So my word for 2011 will be : FEEL
Next week I am making appointments with different people that hopefully can help me start to feel again....because right now I feel kinda dead inside.
Sorry for such a down post, had to get this off my chest I guess.
Made my goal list for 2011. I make it and then do not look at it for almost another year. I typed down what was in my heart desires and I believe by doing that you can somehow accomplice it.
And to quote the girl that puts a smile on my face every day through her blog, Ruth Akers:
"I hope 2011 has a leash ready, because I’m going to make her my bitch. Or at least take her for a walk and follow her with a plastic bag".
Let’s do this!!