Has it been a year already?

Monday I am turning 35, officially old as my DH, who is 3 years younger than me, would say. The past year has flown by, at least that is how it feels to me. I have worked on myself and just now I can say it feels as if it will pay off. For the first time in my life I feel that I can make things happen and that the many idea's that I have inside my head will not stop at the door. Because that always has been the case. I have had so many idea's and so many plans and was so enthusiastic about so many things all the time(part of my ADHD). I jumped on them like a shark, spend a lot of time and money and than for some reason got stuck in my own thoughts again and was never able to fully work my idea's out the way I worked them out inside my head. I truly feel sorry for my husband who has to deal with each new thing over and over again. he now is at the point that he is not believing me anymore when I tell him my new ideas. And you know what, I do not blame him. I have to show him that this time things will be different, simple because I am different, different inside.

I still have lots of things I need to work on, but I have forgiven myself my past mistakes and hope the ones around me are willing to do the same when they see the new me, when they see that I am serious this time. I have lots of things I need to work on, things that have always been there the past few years, one of them is my weight. A constant factor. I was skinny for maybe a year in my whole relationship with my DH. he loves me just the same, never tells me I need to lose weight. I used food as an escape. I didn't allow myself to feel sad, lonely or the worst of all, angry. I didn't know how to deal with these emotions and I felt like there was no room for them anyway. so I ate whenever I was feeling an emotion, happy or sad or just out of boredom. The more I ate the more weight I gained the more I feel disconnected from the real me, but that was the whole purpose of me eating right?, for not having to deal with the real me, that has emotions. I was sabotaging myself this whole time. And now I have to accept that this is me, right now, at this point in my life. And I do accept it, but want to change it because I now see and understand why I became this way. I know this will be a long road, but it a road I am almost ready to take. Almost I say since I need to work out a plan first, because without a plan my ADHD head will not make it :)

I bought myself a new outfit for my birthday since I didn't know what else to ask:
 
The legging is the same purple as in the shirt. all colorful and so different than I used to dress.(do not look at the horrible shoes and the reason why my head is cut of is because I am still vain and trust me when I say, I looked just as my shoes ;)

Tonight DH is off to jui juitsu(or whatever you call it) and I have planned to work on a new canvas tonight as well as watching some tv.

Last night I was with my sweet friend danielle scrapbooking, just for the fun of it and it felt good.

Talk to you soon, mwah!

Corinnexxx
  

Comments

[marsha.]

I love the outfit! I wish you a happy birthday on Monday and have a great time!

[Bonnie]

Happy early birthday Corinne! You are amazing and talented beyond belief and inspire everyone who reads your story. You are courageous, gifted, visionary and above all an honest person who makes me want to live my life being "more of who I am" and not what others want me to be regardless of size, shape or attitude! May this year be yours to embrace in everyway that gives you joy, serenity and the gift of knowing how incredible you are. Big hugs, Bonnie

[Mariangeles_Spain]

Love to read all that positive stuff :) You can do it!!!

I love that outfit but it would look better with your head on LOL

Just be yourslef and enjoy, you're amazing!!

A big hug from Spain

[Miriam]

heel herkenbaar allemaal. maar kleren van DIDI maken je altijd heel erg blij! erg leuk setje! sterkte.....

[Karen Aldrin]

Happy Birthday Corinne.

[Marit]

Wow, that new outfit is gorgeous!!!! Beautiful colour combo... LOVE IT!!!! Wishing you a very, very happy birtday tomorrow and a new year where all your goals may be reached or at least far on the move!!!

[Kiki]

Happy Birthday tomorrow! Love the colorful outfit!! Enjoy!

[Joke]

Alvast van harte gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag, zo te zien ga je er fantastisch uitzien, wat een leuke set!
Ik wens je een super jaar toe.

Groetjes,
Joke.

[Nili]

Every year I feel time is flying quicker and then I must admit we get older... Happy Birthday, sweet Corinne!!! I love your outfit. I think it is first time I see you with a skirt ;) Have a great day tomorrow!!! {mwah} xxx, Nili:)

[Linda loe]

Wow mooie kleren vind de kleuren geweldig. Een hele fijne dag morgen en goed om te horen dat het stukken beter met je gaat. Hoop je snel weer eens te zien.
xoxox Linda

[grungedandy]

happy birthday & i know what you mean about sabotaging your self been there done that ( bugger still doing it, but I'm on the case) I have faith in you, you can do what ever you put your mind to & you will get there, wherever there is, eventually! Nothing worth while in life is ever easy but if it's worth while then you can do it! And look how far you've already come.

seeya hugya *G*

[Kattta]

Ooh, how I wish my english-skill were better...I´t´s so much I want to say to you, but I cant put it down whit letters *sigh* .

I know how you have to struggle with the ADHD, I´m in the middle of that struggle my self. I am sooooo happy for you, that you have this faith in your self now. I know you can do whatever you put your mind to.

And i´m also verry happy that you decided not to stop scrapbooking. LOVE your style!

[Michelle]

Happiest of birthdays to you Corinne! Hope you're having the best day ever!!!

xoxox