I'll admit it, I am far from being a perfect mom. I even find it hard to be a mom to two boys. Always have as I do not like all that boys stuff. The screaming, fighting, roughness, playing with cars, etc is so not me. I want to do artistic stuff, play with dols, dress up, etc. But I got two boys so I had to deal with the boy stuff and I have. I am a supportive soccer mom for years now. I am an advocate for my boys, especially have been for Anthony and his school problems. From nature I was not someone to stick up for myselve, didn’t like arguments, let alone, fighting or such for what I believe in. But my kids made me the lioness I am today, simply because I had too, to stick up for their needs.
Today my boys are 16 and 12.....where did the time go.....I can get teary eyed looking at old video’s or photo’s. They both hit puberty.....I thought the 2-4 years old pre-puberty was bad, but I have a hard time dealing with real puberty. Kids now a days are different as the kids back in the days when I was young (God, now I feel super old). We didn’t had social media and that is what I think is part of the problem. My kids tend to have a third hand which is their phone or controller. I know I should be very stricked about the usage of their x-box, phone, ipad etc but I am not. I feel like I am fighting a lot with my kids, to be even heard. They do not listen to me, or when I say that they need to go to bed and shut off whatever they are doing, I always get the same answer: “One moment, I need to finish this”...never a : “Yes mom”. and then I have to repeat it 5 minutes, 10 minutes later to the point I get mad and start yelling....I do not want to be that mom, you know?! It somtimes makes me very sad.
It simply takes a lot of energy and fighting and I have enough of that in our every day life. So I feel like I am failing in this department. I want to be that mom that spends all her time and energy on her kids, but I am not. I want to be that mom that doesn’t yell at her kids, but I am not. I want to be that mom that takes time to do fun stuff with her kids on a regular basis, but I am not. I want to be that mom kids listen to, but I am for sure not that mom..... and I blame myself for it because I am not consistent enough, so they do not take me seriously. I want to take the time to focus on all of this, but I am not that mom that does that, which makes me feel even worse.
Am I really a bad mom? No, I do not think so. Could I be a better mom? Yes I do think so. I find it hard to balance every day life, work and family life, so one day I am that perfect mom and the next she is out of the window. How do other moms deal with this, I can’t be the only one....please tell me I am not the only one!